Rene's Schizophrenia.
關於瑞內的精神分裂症。
_page0006 | updated 21 June 2021, by
Lucifer Christ.
Four headings:
1.
Schizophrenic "Disorganized Thinking"
2.
Schizophrenia: the presence of ongoing "Delusions of Grandeur"
3.
Understanding why thinking "I am not God" is false
4.
The problem coexists with the answer
四個相關標題：
1）精神分裂症“思維混亂”
2）精神分裂症：存在持續的“誇大妄想症”。
3）理解為什麼認為“我不是上帝”是錯誤的。
4）問題與答案並存。
I am an English teacher in
我是台灣的英語老師，我患有精神分裂症。
Since 3 Sept 2012, nine doctors
diagnosed me with a lot of different mental disorders culminating in severe
Schizophrenia and "Schizoaffective Disorder".
自101年9月3日以來，九位醫生診斷出我患有多種不同的精神障礙，最終導致嚴重的精神分裂症和“分裂情感障礙”。
I met a tenth doctor recently on 31
May 2021 in
我最近於110年5月31日在台灣台南市遇到了第十位醫生，但他錯誤地聲稱心理學家無法進行法庭要求的法醫精神評估，因為我的錯覺阻止我提交身體進行體檢。
Normally, I probably shouldn't be
allowed to teach young children, but school managers in
通常情況下，我可能不應該被允許教幼兒，但台灣的學校管理人員並不總是遵守法律。
Currently, one rather large private
school claims that this story is maliciously ruining their reputation, and,
therefore, I should be sent to prison or pay a fine (but I can continue sharing
this story, because it's absolutely true and concerns absolutely
everyone).
目前，一所比較大的私立學校聲稱這個故事是在惡意破壞他們的聲譽，因此，我應該被送進監獄或罰款（但我可以繼續分享這個故事，因為它絕對是真實的，絕對涉及每個人）。
This page explains why my
Schizophrenia is ongoing, since I'm going to need to argue that in court. (The school is also accusing me of threats,
intimidation, and extortion. If any of
the allegations were true, I certainly wouldn't be so prolifically public about
this.)
本頁解釋了為什麼我的精神分裂症仍在持續，因為我將需要在法庭上爭論這一點。（學校還指控我威脅、恐嚇和勒索。如果任何指控屬實，我當然不會如此多地公開此事。）
1. Schizophrenic "Disorganized Thinking"
1）精神分裂症“思維混亂”
I
understand that I am Schizophrenic because my thinking is not organized.
我明白我是精神分裂症，因為我的思想沒有條理。
For example, when I try to write, I
write using proper English grammar. The
sentences appear, and I can read them.
But I can't seem to write what I need to say in order to accomplish what
I need to get done. Then I end up
adding, editing, and finally re-writing things over and over. That results in a huge waste of time, years. I've been trying to share an important story
for many years.
例如，當我嘗試寫作時，我會使用正確的英語語法進行寫作。句子出現，我可以閱讀它們。但我似乎無法寫出我需要說的話來完成我需要完成的事情。然後我最終一遍又一遍地添加，編輯，最後重寫。這導致了巨大的時間浪費，數年。多年來，我一直試圖分享一個重要的故事。
I used Google to translate the heading
"Disorganized Thinking", and then I reverse translated the Chinese to
see if Google preserved the meaning.
Google enlightened me that "Disorganized Thinking" means
"Confusion". I'd never thought
about it like that, but that's exactly what it is.
我用谷歌翻譯了標題“混亂的思維”，然後我反向翻譯中文，看看谷歌是否保留了這個意思。谷歌讓我明白“混亂的思維”意味著“困惑”。我從來沒有這麼想過，但就是這樣。
And then I explored the translation to
really understand if the meaning is the same.
I quickly realized that "disorganized" means "not
organized", "not in the expected order", and not
"chaos".
然後我探索了翻譯以真正了解含義是否相同。我很快意識到“雜亂無章”意味著“沒有組織”、“沒有按照預期的順序”，而不是“混亂”。
I do seem to pay careful attention to
detail, far more carefully than anyone else I've met, but I also quickly leave
an issue, or argument, once the argument is resolved in my mind. This results in seemingly abrupt changes of
thought, when in fact the issue is solved to my own satisfaction and I am once
again in a peaceful mindset or working on a new issue. Usually I just enjoy the peace, which is why
my wife and I laugh a lot and really enjoy spending time together.
我似乎很注意細節，比我見過的任何人都仔細，但一旦爭論在我腦海中得到解決，我也會很快留下一個問題或爭論。這導致看似突然的思想變化，但實際上問題得到了我自己的滿意解決，我再次處於平靜的心態或正在處理一個新問題。通常我只是享受平靜，這就是為什麼我和妻子笑得很開心，真的很享受在一起的時光。
The rest is really controlling the
emotions that arrive while new thinking is sorting itself out. Acting out of anger, beheading children,
throwing chairs across the room, none of that helps a situation. Luckily, I'm not a violent person. I get frustrated, which seems to scare people
that don't know me, but my wife knows me.
She just stays quiet, and eventually I recover my head and apologize and
we talk about the actual issue causing us unnecessary stress. I joke that I keep my wife's life interesting
and not dull. I'm like her favourite TV
program, an ongoing soap opera of many characters which she never gets bored of
watching.
剩下的就是在新思維整理自己的同時控制到達的情緒。出於憤怒採取行動，斬首兒童，在房間裡扔椅子，這些都無濟於事。幸運的是，我不是一個暴力的人。我感到沮喪，這似乎嚇到了不認識我的人，但我的妻子認識我。她只是保持沉默，最終我恢復了理智並道歉，然後我們談論了導致我們不必要壓力的實際問題。我開玩笑說我讓我妻子的生活變得有趣而不乏味。我就像她最喜歡的電視節目，一部由許多角色組成的連續劇，她從不看膩。
My wife and I agree that the most
important thing in the world is forgiveness, and that forgiving someone or
something is also usually the hardest thing to do exactly at the time when it
is most needed. It's usually easier to
blame, throw a tantrum, or otherwise act insane than simply forgive.
我和我的妻子都同意，世界上最重要的事情是寬恕，而寬恕某人或某事通常也是在最需要的時候最難做的事情。與簡單地原諒相比，責備、發脾氣或以其他方式發瘋通常更容易。
Life is really just about
understanding how things work, and then using that understanding to help things
work better, more efficiently, to create a more sustainable environment, isn't
it?
生活真的只是了解事物的運作方式，然後利用這種理解來幫助事物更好、更有效地運作，創造一個更可持續的環境，不是嗎？
Just because my thinking does not
follow the order that I expect, or that others expect from me, that doesn't
mean that my thinking does not have more order, and better order, than I
currently recognize. In fact, I'm
certain that my thinking has perfect order.
And that leads me to the second requirement of Schizophrenia: the
presence of an ongoing delusion.
僅僅因為我的思考沒有遵循我期望的順序，或者其他人對我的期望，這並不意味著我的思考沒有比我目前認識到的更多的秩序和更好的秩序。事實上，我確信我的想法是完美的。這使我想到了精神分裂症的第二個要求：存在持續的妄想。
Before I continue, I want to add that
my wife is truly awesome. She's actually
more than my wife. She's my best
friend. We were friends a long time
before we married, and we'll probably remain best friends if we ever divorce,
but, honestly, why would two people get a divorce if both people are always
focused on the importance of forgiveness and working together? Specifically: a wife will say "Don't
have sex with other girls!" but a best friend will say "Go, have fun,
just don't hurt yourself or hurt others.
I will always be your friend because that's what true friendship
means." Eventually the silliness of
wanting to be with other people is replaced with the desire to really just make
the world a better place.
在繼續之前，我想補充一點，我的妻子真的很棒。她實際上比是我的妻子角色更重要。她是我最好的朋友。我們結婚前很長時間是朋友，如果我們離婚，我們可能仍然是最好的朋友，但是，老實說，如果兩個人總是專注於寬恕和一起工作的重要性，為什麼兩個人會離婚？具體來說：妻子會說“不要和其他女孩發生性關係！”但最好的朋友會說“去吧，玩得開心，不要傷害自己或傷害他人。我將永遠是你的朋友，因為這才是真正的友誼。”最終，想要和其他人在一起的愚蠢被真正讓世界變得更美好的願望所取代。
2.
Schizophrenia: the presence of ongoing "Delusions of Grandeur".
2）精神分裂症：存在持續的“誇大妄想症”。
In my opinion, I am the smartest
person I know. I know there is no other
person alive that is smarter than I am because I understand that everyone
shares the exact same mind, which means no one has the ability to be smarter
than anyone else!
在我看來，我是我認識的最聰明的人。我知道沒有其他人比我更聰明，因為我知道每個人都擁有完全相同的心靈(mind，或簡稱為心)，這意味著沒有人有能力比其他人更聰明！
Because I understand that everyone
shares only one same eternal mind, that individual private mind don't really
exist (refereeing to the Edward Snowden watershed, even the U.S.A.'s N.S.A.
accepts that privacy rights of individuals should be considered a joke and
disregarded complete), therefore I am also always willing to say:
I
think we're having a misunderstanding.
I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you're trying to say. Are we working together at the same goal of
establishing the same sustainable worldwide peace, not? Because what you're telling me conflicts with
a plan that I've already begun to help everyone enjoy worldwide peace without
hurting anyone, and without causing any loss.
So, can you please be more clear?
Explain it to me as if I were a 2-year-old. Don't just say "I already told
you", and don't expect me not to continue to suggest a better way to
accomplish our common goal unless you can prove to me that my plan is not
possible. With enough support,
everything is possible.
因為我明白每個人都只有一個永恆的心靈，那個個人的私人心靈並不真正存在（以愛德華 斯諾登 分水嶺為例，即使是美國的國家安全局也承認個人隱私權應該被視為笑話而無視完整）
，所以我也總是願意說：
我認為我們有誤會。對不起，我不明白你想說什麼。我們是否為了建立同樣的可持續的全球和平而共同努力，不是嗎？因為你告訴我的事情與我已經開始幫助每個人享受世界和平而不傷害任何人、不造成任何損失的計劃相衝突。所以，你能不能更清楚一點？就像我是一個2歲的孩子一樣向我解釋它。不要只說“我已經告訴過你了”，也不要指望我不會繼續提出更好的方法來實現我們的共同目標，除非你能向我證明我的計劃是不可能的。有了足夠的支持，一切皆有可能。
Really
though, in every situation I always have a response, even if it's only reassure
my wife that, in the many lifetimes I remember living, "I haven't taken
the time to develop that talent. My skill is making
consistent notes and following the notes I make, like a lawyer".
真的，在每一種情況下，我總是有反應，即使這只是讓我的妻子放心，在我記得活過的許多世中，“我沒有花時間培養這種才能。我的技能是做一致的筆記並跟隨我做的筆記，就像律師一樣”。
How do I know that everyone shares the
same mind? How do I know that I am all
people, but am just not consciously aware of being all people?
我怎麼知道每個人都共享同一個心靈？我怎麼知道我是所有人，但只是沒有意識到自己是所有人？
That's actually easy to answer. However, willingness to honestly hear the
answer is directly proportional to the ability to understand the answer. I've included the answer below, under the
heading "Understanding why thinking 'I am not God' is false".
這其實很容易回答。然而，誠實聽取答案的意願與理解答案的能力成正比。我在下面的標題“理解為什麼認為‘我不是上帝’是錯誤的”下包含了答案。
When we are unconsciously not willing
to receive an answer, not willing to honestly hear the answer, then the answer
must confuse us.
當我們在不知不覺中不願意接受答案，不願意誠實地聽到答案時，那麼答案一定會讓我們感到困惑。
Your confusion will then cause you to
want to explain "What you are saying can't be correct. Your mind must not be right. You suffer from ongoing mental illness. I don't want to judge you, but your thinking
is disorganized. From it, in the
confusion, you experience the illusion of correctness, the illusion self-justified
righteousness, what medical experts call a 'Delusion of Grandeur'."
你的困惑會導致你想要解釋“你說的不可能是正確的。你的思想一定是不對的。你患有持續的精神疾病。我不想評判你，但你的思想是混亂的。從中，在混亂中，你體驗到正確的錯覺，自以為是的正義的錯覺，醫學專家稱之為‘誇大妄想’。”
I just typed that response, so you
ought to recognize that I'm at least aware of the argument. But even if you say all of that and not
simply tell me "You are wrong", and you believe that you are correct,
honestly, did you explain anything at all?
我剛剛輸入了那個回覆，所以你應該意識到我至少知道這個論點。但即使你說了所有這些，而不是簡單地告訴我“你錯了”，而且你相信你是對的，老實說，你到底有沒有解釋什麼？
Is calling someone "Delusional"
or "not right" an explanation of the cause of the confusion (why the
person's thinking is not correct)?
稱某人為“妄想的”或“不正確”是對混淆原因的解釋（為什麼這個人的想法不正確）？
Telling me "You are wrong"
or "I told you so" only displays your own arrogance. You should pay closer attention to what you
say. But, honestly, it's
"normal", right? It's normal
to just throw your personal opinions at others and expect them to follow you
without first asking if the person actually agrees with your opinion,
right? As far as I'm concerned, I'm
"not normal", so why should I care about your rudeness?
告訴我“你錯了”或“我告訴過你”只會顯示你自己的傲慢。你應該更加注意你所說的話。但是，老實說，這很“正常”，對吧？只是把你的個人意見扔給別人，然後期望他們跟隨你，而不先問這個人是否真的同意你的意見，這很正常，對嗎？就我而言，我“不正常”，我為什麼要在意你的粗魯？
As long as we're working toward the
same goal, we're actually happy. And if
we're unhappy, then we should definitely work toward a happier goal!
只要我們朝著同一個目標努力，我們實際上就很快樂。如果我們不快樂，那麼我們絕對應該朝著更快樂的目標努力！
My goal is gigantic, but not
impossible. You probably can't believe
it, but it really does include all people.
我的目標是巨大的，但並非不可能。你可能不敢相信，但它確實包括所有的人。
You never asked, but do you know why I
strive to maintain such an impossibly large goal?
你從來沒有問過，但你知道我為什麼要努力維持這麼大的目標嗎？
The answer is so simple: because we
cannot think about "nothing", and "consistent" thinking
requires us to include all things into our plans before we can wake up from the
nightmare of always reincarnating back into this hellish life on Earth.
答案很簡單：因為我們不能“無所事事”，而“一致”的思想要求我們將所有事情都納入我們的計劃中，然後我們才能從總是轉世回到地球上這個地獄般的生活的噩夢中醒來。
I don't want to come back here, ever
again. That's my real goal. But you can't understand that as long as you
believe that you stop thinking when your body dies. It's you who's confused about the thinking
part of you, not me!
我再也不想回到這裡了。這才是我真正的目標。但只要你相信當你的身體死亡時你就停止思考，你就無法理解這一點。是你對你的思維部分感到困惑，而不是我！
Why would an individual continue to
argue in court for 10 years, and use publicly agreed laws to prove that the
answer is correct, unless a lot of people are truly in need of help to
understand this!
一個人為什麼要繼續在法庭上爭論10年，並用公開同意的法律來證明答案是正確的，除非很多人真的需要幫助來理解這一點！
Can the word "Schizophrenic"
really mean what you think it means if I am explaining to you why, precisely,
the body is not real, and why, precisely, the body cannot be the source of any
of our thinking? I am literally
explaining to you that everything you think you know about life is incorrect,
and that life does not work the way you imagine. And all you can do is call me a name? Why not pick a different word to call
me? Call me God!
如果我向你解釋為什麼身體不是真實的，為什麼身體不能成為我們任何思想的來源，那麼“精神分裂症”這個詞真的能表達你認為的意思嗎？我從字面上向你解釋，你認為你知道的關於生活的一切都是不正確的，生活並不像你想像的那樣運作。你能做的就是給我起個名字？為什麼不選擇一個不同的詞來稱呼我？請叫我上帝！
Next you will read why you can be
certain that we share just one same mind, spirit, soul, or whatever you want
to call the thinking part of us--the part that provides the ability of memory,
the everlasting part, because whatever causes our thinking also always retains
the ability to bridge different points in time without thinking.
接下來你會讀到為什麼你可以肯定我們只有同一個心靈、精神、靈魂，或者任何你想稱之為我們思考部分的東西——提供記憶能力的部分，永恆的部分，因為無論什麼原因我們的思維也始終保留著無需思考就可以在不同時間點之間架起橋樑的能力。
If you are arguing with me in court
about this, then you are going to hear this answer over and over again until
you understand, truly, we really just share one mind (心靈).
如果你在法庭上和我爭論這個，那麼你會一遍又一遍地聽到這個答案，直到你明白，真的，我們真的只是共享一個心靈(mind，或簡稱為心)。
3.
Understanding why thinking "I am not God" is false.
3）理解為什麼認為“我不是上帝”是錯誤的。
There are only two ways to think about
your mind. You can imagine you body
contains your mind, and that your thinking will stop when your body dies, or
you can understand that your body must exist inside your mind.
只有兩種方式來思考你的心靈。你可以想像你的身體包含在你的心靈內，當你的身體死亡時你的思想就會停止，或者你可以理解你的身體必須存在於你的心靈中。
One way leads to hopelessness and
despair about the events in your life.
The other way must eventually cause you to want to help unconfuse people
who suffer from hopelessness and despair.
一種方式會導致對生活中的事件感到絕望和喪失信心。另一種方式最終會導致你想要幫助那些遭受絕望和絕望之苦的人解惑。
That is the most fundament continuous
choice that everyone always shares. Our
momentary actions toward others tell us which choice we are currently
making. Eventually we learn to tell the
difference, and learn to choose the right choice more consistently.
那是大家永遠共有的最基本的連續選擇。我們對他人的一時行為告訴我們目前正在做出哪種選擇。最終我們學會分辨差異，學會更一致地選擇正確的選擇。
That basically explains life anywhere
in the universe (including on other planets).
That's also why you know the answer is true: because it applies
everywhere and all of the time.
這基本上解釋了宇宙中任何地方（包括其他行星上）的生命。這也是為什麼你知道答案是正確的：因為它適用於任何地方和所有時間。
A "proof", that the right
choice is not to consider the mind as being part of the body, follows.
下面是一個“證明”，即正確的選擇不是將心靈視為身體的一部分。
The world is always changing. (We must begin a proof with a true
statement.)
世界總是在變化。（我們必須以一個真實陳述開始證明。）
Everything we see is made from small
particles which are always moving.
Everything in the universe is always moving. (We can ignore the fact that the particles
originate from a quantum dimension which is not of physical origin.)
我們看到的一切都是由總是在移動的小顆粒組成的。宇宙中的一切事物總是在移動。（我們可以忽略粒子起源於一個非物理起源的量子維度這一事實。）
Now, because everything is
"always" moving, therefore we can only be certain of one thing:
whatever made the universe is timeless because the idea of "always"
is "without time". The
universe of time and space cannot affect or change the reality that eternally
maintains the universe.
現在，因為一切都在“總是”移動，因此我們只能確定一件事：任何創造宇宙的東西都是永恆的，因為“總是”的想法是“沒有時間”。時空宇宙無法影響或改變永恆維持宇宙的現實。
"Timeless" means
"existing beyond time", "originating outside time", and
"existing all throughout every relative reality of time-space".
“永恆”的意思是“存在於時間之外”、“起源於時間之外”、“存在於時空的每一個相對現實中”。
A timeless reality must be perfectly
unified, perfectly organized, with perfect organization (i.e. sentient), without
any disagreement, consistent (i.e. constancy, consistency applied to itself),
without any limits, and never ending.
Therefore, whatever is "timeless" is also always sentient and
whatever is sentient is our mind.
一個永恆的現實必須完美統一、完美組織、完美組織（即有知覺）、沒有任何分歧、一致（即恆常性、適用於自身的一致性）、沒有任何限制、永無止境。因此，凡是“永恆”的也總是有情的，有情的就是我們的心靈。
Conclusion: we share just one
limitless eternal mind, and we really don't recognize it amidst all of the
objects in our life that look like they're not moving when in fact they always
are.
結論：我們只有一個無限永恆的心靈，在我們生活中所有看似不動但實際上一直在動的物體中，我們真的沒有認出它。
4.
The problem coexists with the answer.
4）問題與答案並存。
We share an eternal reality and we
share this relative reality, but only one of them is absolutely real.
我們共享一個永恆的現實，我們共享這個相對的現實，但只有其中一個是絕對真實的。
The issue is simply that we all share
one common eternal reality, a reality which sustains just one mind, and that mind
is our mind which we each implicitly always share, but which none of us really
understands.
問題很簡單，我們都共享一個共同的永恆現實，這個現實只支持一個心靈，而心靈是我們每個人都隱含地總是共享的心靈，但我們沒有人真正理解。
For example, doctors believe that
medical injections (into a body which isn't eternally real and which isn't the
source and can't be the cause of our thinking) can influence our thinking
without our permission.
例如，醫生認為醫療注射（注射到一個不是永遠真實的身體，不是我們思考的來源，也不能成為我們思考的原因）可以在未經我們許可的情況下影響我們的思考。
This is where worldwide religions
derive the idea that a common "God" must exist. But worldwide religions are incorrect because
the eternal reality ("God") cannot be separate from anything. Therefore our perception of a separate
"God", or even worse, of many different "Gods", is
false. From our finite perspective, it's
more accurate to consider that "God" doesn't actually exist, and then
to begin to realize that we cause all the "accidents" that happen to
us each day.
這就是世界範圍內的宗教得出的觀點，即必須存在一個共同的“上帝”。但是世界範圍的宗教是不正確的，因為永恆的現實（“上帝”）不能與任何事物分開。因此，我們對一個單獨的“上帝”的看法，或者更糟的是，對許多不同的“上帝”的看法是錯誤的。從我們有限的角度來看，更準確的是認為“上帝”實際上並不存在，然後開始意識到每天發生在我們身上的所有“事故”都是我們造成的。
Eternal is always the same, but it's
also always increasing, it never remains the same from our perspective of
whatever we can imagine eternal to be.
And that's why the world keeps changing!
Like a dream at night, we're not aware that our mind continuously builds
our physical experiences, and we're certainly not aware that we can turn all
negative experiences into mutually beneficial experiences when we don't want to
truly work together!
永恆總是相同的，但它也總是在增加，從我們可以想像的永恆的角度來看，它永遠不會保持不變。這就是世界不斷變化的原因！就像夜裡做夢一樣，我們不知道我們的心靈不斷地建立我們的身體體驗，我們當然不知道當我們不想真正一起工作時，我們可以把所有的負面體驗變成互惠互利的體驗！
My soul is your soul. My spirit and your spirit are always trying
to work together. Physical life is just
a momentary expression of a much larger, much more dominant confusion about the
idea of always being (not just having) one eternal reality.
我的靈魂就是你的靈魂。我的精神和你的精神一直在努力合作。物質生活只是對永遠存在（不僅僅是擁有）一個永恆現實這一觀念的更大、更占主導地位的混亂的一種瞬時表達。
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Journal Of A Schizophrenic, with a
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